When trying isn’t enough (Part 2)

This journey to Baby G has been a long one!  And I’m not going to lie, until our Baby is in our arms and healthy; I think I’m going to be nervous.  I’m trying to soak in all of this goodness though!

So what happened after our transfer?!

THE TRANSFER DAY

Our transfer day was an emotional day! All of the prepping and preparing for this day and it was finally here!  We met with the doc scheduled for the day (not our doc) and he set our minds at ease with answering any questions we had and letting us know what to expect with the transfer and after.  I was fully awake during the transfer (unlike the retrieval) and thankfully Logan could come back for this one as well.  We watched the whole procedure on the ultrasound screen and while it isn’t “traditional” or “fun” in the sense, it felt more intimate being included in the whole procedure.  I cried watching it all unfold (no surprise there!) and knowing that this could be it for us!

Everything went as perfectly as it could and I was instructed to go home on bed-rest for the next 48 hours.  Logan was a saint and waited on me hand and foot all weekend!  I have to say though… I did get REAL tired of having to yell “LOGAN!” when I needed something (i’m sure he was tired of hearing it as well :)).

THE “WAITING” DAYS

Then came the hard part… waiting!  So much of this process is waiting and after everything you’ve been through, the last thing you want to do is WAIT!

We had to wait about 10 days to see if the transfer was successful and if I was pregnant.  To be honest, at this point, I didn’t even feel like I had the transfer during the waiting period. We had been in and out of the fertility clinic every other day for tests/procedures/ultrasounds it seemed like so I felt like I was just waiting for my next appointment.  I thought it would be a lot harder to wait (many people asked if I would be taking a pregnancy test at home before going in for blood work because I just couldn’t wait! But I didn’t and I didn’t feel a need to at all).  Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to know!! I just knew it wouldn’t help to do a pregnancy test at home. I couldn’t take the chance of a false positive/negative. If it was going to be a yes or no, then I wanted to be sure.

THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

I went in for blood work a week and a half later with Logan and then we headed home to wait for the call.  This waiting was different than before..

I got the call from the clinic and immediately called out to Logan “it’s the clinic!!!” and he ran out into the other room where I was even though he was on a conference call! The doctor was SO nice and confirmed that my numbers looked SO good and that I was, in fact pregnant.  Tears immediately started flowing and it was almost like a “did he really just say that”?!

We knew we weren’t out of the wood works yet (are you really ever?!) but hearing this good news was what we needed to keep going!  I had to do another blood test 2 days later, to confirm my numbers were still looking good and increasing as they should.  Even though our close family knew we were doing our test that day, we didn’t tell anyone or reach out to anyone until we got confirmation on Wednesday.  It was just too hard to say “Yes I’m pregnant!” and then possibly have heartbreaking news two days later.

The clinic called Wednesday after another blood test (I went down to the clinic for my almost last blood draw!) and confirmed I was pregnant and my numbers were looking wonderful! We were ECSTATIC as you can imagine!

Infertility really takes away a lot from couples; on the smaller scale, I couldn’t tell Logan in a cute way that he was going to be a daddy or surprise our family with the great news because they knew everything along the way.  It strips you of a lot of those happy and “normal” moments that you don’t realize you’re lucky to have until you don’t have them.

WE’RE PREGNANT: NOW WHAT?!

I had to wait another 2 weeks before I had my first ultrasound to ensure Baby G looked good and to be released from the fertility clinic (still doing meds until week 10 though).  That was the longest 2 weeks – I had a few scary moments with spotting and one half day of full bleeding and it was so disheartening!  I tried to avoid going to the bathroom so I didn’t have to see any of it.  I just knew that something wasn’t right but somehow felt a sense of calming as well (if that makes sense).  I felt different being pregnant this time and truly felt that this was OUR baby and this time it would be different.  I trusted in God that everything would be OK and our baby would be growing just fine! I called the clinic and they had me come down to do another blood draw to ensure my numbers were still on track – it was too early for an ultrasound at this point.  This was SO incredibly scary.  I cried the whole way down to the office until I got home and waited.  I knew it was out of my hands at this point so I just had to keep my faith.  Thankfully, the nurse called right before end of day to let me know my numbers still looked great and where they should be!  Talk about a huge weight lifted!

The day after our scare, my nausea started 24/7 and it confirmed that Baby was still growing in there! 🙂 I prayed and prayed for morning sickness but I was eating my words about 3 days after getting it! Ha!

After that day, we waited for the Ultrasound and when it came – we were so ready! I was beyond nervous that day ( I mean, I was literally shaking all over since our last US hadn’t gone so well a few years earlier) and Logan was so sweet and grabbed my hand immediately as I laid on the table.  I didn’t know if I could look at the screen or just wait to hear the news first.  It’s hard because going through our previous miscarriage and infertility, we knew that we both couldn’t get too excited for this day.  We knew that there was a chance, something could be wrong and while we were both SO happy and excited we heard good news in the first place, we had to be cautious.

The doctor came in, the ultrasound started and right away he said “there’s the baby and strong heartbeat” and as tears rolled down our cheeks, I said “there’s a heartbeat?!?!?!” The tech zoomed in so we could see the little heart beating so fast since they said it would be hard to hear it at this point.  BEST DAY EVER!  I can’t even explain to you my feelings hearing and seeing that.  After that appointment, we were done with the fertility clinic!  It was such a weird feeling, knowing I wouldn’t be back there until it was time for Baby number 2 since I’d be there for almost a year – every other day!

SAYING GOODBYE TO THE FERTILITY CLINIC AND HELLO TO OUR OB!

I started with my OB’s office the following week and thankfully had another ultrasound.  The nerves were still high waiting for the ultrasound to start but it was SO amazing – little Baby G was dancing around and waving it’s little “arm” at us at 9.5 weeks!

I had my first “official” OB appointment last week and it was refreshing seeing my doctor again.  He had been with us through our previous miscarriage as well as did all of our fertility testing and referred us to the clinic.  We got to hear Baby G’s heartbeat at this appointment and it was literally music to our ears.  Even our doctor said “I have goosebumps! I hear heartbeats everyday but sometimes it’s just different like today!” He even told the nurse when she came back in about his goosebumps and how it’s amazing hearing it through some people’s perspective, like ours.  He knew how very thankful we are for EVERY part of this pregnancy (and baby!).

It’s been so hard because I feel like I should be like 6 months along with how long we’ve known! That’s another hard part with IVF – it’s great that you find out so quickly (like when Baby is 2 weeks along) but you can’t really say anything to anyone until after becoming a lot more comfortable! The last 11+ weeks have been hard keeping this not so little, secret from the world.

It’s crazy looking back at our journey; where we started and where we are now.  There are just so many emotions throughout the last few years that I couldn’t even begin to explain.  It is not lost on us that this process doesn’t work (the first time) for everyone and that were so fortunate and blessed that it did for us.

Infertility will always be a huge part of our lives and something that I feel SO strongly about. If you’re going through it and want/need to chat, please reach out.  It can be extremely lonely and we found that it helps to talk to someone who “gets it” a little more.

aKristi

5 thoughts on “When trying isn’t enough (Part 2)

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